Peace Train Sounding Louder

Non-stop work, I’ve gotten to know these last couple of years, can prove quite stressful on many levels. The past several months have been a blur, and yet, I’ve avoided mental shutdown, because of things I like that distract me, and friends who have been very generous with me.

It was only about four months ago that I co-published and launched my own comic book, and I am still discovering that the project requires much attention, marketing and constant pimping on my part. Well, the work has gotten easier, because people have been telling me that it’s been selling itself, or word-of-mouth is doing its part, and it’s gotten generally good reception. But I’ve yet to talk to other shop owners, as I’ve been a bit sidetracked by the nature of my daily freelance work. I’ve accepted this nature long ago, and am working hard to keep everything workable for everyone. And I hope to get things that need doing done soon, I hope. I want more people to read my work.

The daily grind is complex enough without my personal crap getting in the way. I do my damnedest to separate all my work from whatever angsts and dissatisfactions I have with whomever, or whatever. And if such crap happens, it’s really difficult to make sense of a work day. These distractions happen sometimes, admittedly, because of my own fault.

But whatever drama happens—and I use the word “drama” as an over-simplification—I still have to grin and bear it, and do my own thing. It’s just so emotionally sapping to be disappointed and worried about people whose feelings I may have hurt, for whatever reason. Honestly, that’s one of the worst feelings ever, to have people you consider friends disappointed in you or vice-versa.

At this point in my life, I’m still learning how to communicate with people. And it’s good that my different jobs help me with that. There are unspoken politics when it comes to relationships that eventually need to be discussed and analyzed. There are people I regret being intimate with, but that’s just the way things evolve into, I suppose. There are problems I’d rather forget if I’ve done all I can to solve them. I move on when it suits me. I’m learning not to be vulnerable anymore.

Sometimes, though, I need to remind myself. And that’s why I’m writing about this now. Life is so short and fleeting and it just gets doubly stressful when scrutiny eats you up on a personal level. There will be more compromises to discuss and challenges to endure and surpass; I don’t doubt that. But I’m hoping, now that I have this tiny breather from work, that I’ll be given a break. I desperately need it.