Teen for God

Ten days from now, it’ll be Christmas season in the Philippines again, officially. I’m an outsider now, but admittedly, the season fills me with good memories and reminds me of being with those dearest to me. I admire the spirit of togetherness, of spreading good cheer, and the various colorful customs that the holidays bring, even when I'm not into the original meaning anymore.

I like Russ’ recent post about his agnosticism, “Africa,” and it’s always good to discover that spiritual contentment for some people needn’t be compressed and organized into one belief system. I can relate to that, sometimes, when I’m not a total disbeliever and I wonder if there really is this encompassing intelligence behind all existence. As I have mentioned repeatedly here, I just don’t wish to belong to any religion or organization that claims absolute truth and punishment for those who don’t believe in their centuries-old version of the ever-powerful God. I don’t believe in that, nor will I swear on any book that encapsulates beliefs pertaining to any specific deity. I just don’t have that faith. It works for some people and I respect that.

But for me, the universe is such a vast and layered place, and there are more dimensions to it than we can possibly comprehend as humans. If a specific God from the major religions were to be proven as the real one, as someone who commands unhesitating obedience, well, I’d still not worship that being. I’ve hundreds of questions, and I’ve seen enough bad things happen to good people to concern myself with winning the favor of an entity that has left us earthlings to fend for ourselves. I really don’t get why, like the queen’s mirror in Snow White, I have to remind an abstract concept that he’s the fairest one of all. I also don’t accept tragedies and misfortunes as “God’s will” because that excuse oversimplifies things, and doesn’t really put that divine creator in a good light.

I do remember belonging and trying to make sense of my life in high school, where I felt it imperative that I recognize the power and forgiveness of a god whom I believed to have sent his demigod son to redeem humankind. I used to think that I’ve seen the light, that spiritually, I’m enriched. A friend would bring me to his family’s born-again Christian bible studies, and I’d attend weekly mass too. Even then as a teen, though, I wondered why there had to be these schisms between different Christian groups--I still don’t get it now--but back then, all that mattered was that personal bond, as only a surrendering worshipper can offer the worshipped.

But life happened. Pains, victories, the whole shebang. I found out I couldn’t be the person that that God wanted me to be. I didn’t fall in with the wrong crowd; if anything, I just recognized what I wanted in my life years later, and religious interference wasn’t one of them. I began questioning why there were these contradicting versions within this variant flock, and without. And, as I came from one religion whose book of ancient accounts shows an omniscient but imperfect God, I wondered: don’t other people see how inconsistent and occasionally out of character this being has been portrayed throughout the book? There were various authors, yes, but why the radically conflicting accounts? Why has he exhibited a clear, contemptible disdain for his creatures on more than one occasion, when he was supposed to be perfect and can’t be taken by surprise? Why does he need us to complete him? Who transcribed these supposedly divine words, exactly?

I felt that it was becoming detrimental to my development as a person, so I moved on. I don’t need to be lectured on bedroom matters by avowed celibates. I’ve no desire to sing praises anymore to a God that had become a stranger to me (although I must admit that there are some beautiful hymns in church). I can’t reconcile my quest for personal betterment with these complicated, earth-based bureaucracies. Sometimes I wonder how many people think as I do, or cry foul whenever some religious enforcers make up some dated directives or single out the most furious passages to quote when condemning non-believers or errant souls.

What really frighten me now are the extremists of different religions, those who will brook no dissenting opinions. It’s really regrettable when religious leaders also inspire further division, threatening calamities and divine vengeance in the afterlife, and even blaming old catastrophes on those who don’t follow their interpretation of ancient scriptures. I don’t understand, either, why some followers are quick to apologize for their human and fallible leaders, too, or ignore their failings altogether. Oh, well.

I used to love Jesus. Or maybe, I just thought I did. Well, whichever the case, that doesn’t matter anymore. I’m definitely loving myself and enjoying my life more now. I still hope and wish for better things and brighter tomorrows, yes. I keep hoping that this pitiful planet knows real peace and harmony at last, among other things. These divisions may escalate more before that happens, though. If there’s indeed a God, I’d like to think that it’d be many times bigger and better than anything we can imagine, dwarfing manifold all those versions that have come before, and that it won’t need us as its mouthpieces or devotees.

Faith and Common Ground

Since I’m talking about metaphysical enigmas, I’d like to share these two lovely pieces—a song and some comics captions--I’ve come across just a few years back

Let the Mystery Be
(Iris De Ment)

“Everybody’s wondering what and where they all came from. Everybody’s worrying ‘bout where they’re gonna go when the whole thing’s done. Nobody knows for certain, so it’s all the same to me. I think I’ll just let the mystery be.

“Some say once you’re gone, you’re gone forever and some say you’re gonna come back. Some say you rest in the arms of the Savior if in sinful ways, you lack. Some say that they’re coming back in a garden, bunch of carrots and little sweet peas. I think I’ll just let the mystery be.

“Some say they go to a place called Glory and I ain’t saying it ain’t a fact. But I’ve heard that I’m on the road to purgatory and I don’t like the sound of that. I believe in love and I live my life accordingly. And I choose to let the mystery be.”

The Sweetest Things (excerpt from Stupid Comics # 2)
by Jim Mahfood

“Without art, writing, and music there would be no reason for me to be. These 3 forms are the purest expression of man’s soul. The ultimate expression. And so I create. And I try and understand through my work. And I talk to God everyday. He is my homeboy. And I’m no genius but I’m smart enough to realize that God does not exist. Because God is me. God is you. God is everyone. God is this bird. He is this tree. God is the universe. He is infinite. God is the energy that connects all living things. We’re all in this together.”