Yeow, ‘Joe’

Okay, some spoilers ahead.

“G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra” has characters from the cartoon, action figure lines and comic books, but while some ideas are retained, most of the heroes and villains don’t resemble their prior counterparts. It’s a very formulaic summer action flick; it tries to be big and epic, but the result is Star Wars Lite. The video game-y underwater battles, the deciding ninja duel, and the romance angles feel forced and lack oomph. The shared flashback origin of Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow just grates. One sequence, however--the Cobra agents and Joes tearing through the streets of Paris--stands out. The collective eye candy distracts just fine, and the costume designs look okay. But important story points are just squandered or discarded. For instance: mere moments after Cobra Commander and Destro’s belated but momentous debut as freakish conquerors, they’re caught by the Joes and they don’t even put up a fight. How silly and sad.