These days, when I look at my old written and illustrated works, I often surprise myself. I’m sure other creative people have experienced this. There are times when I find myself removed from the things I’ve done that I'm either pleasantly surprised or recoiling from works I’ve done in the past. I unearthed a ton of old photocopies of artwork months back and I was amazed to recall, not so suddenly, that I was responsible for them.
Perhaps it’s because I’m so concerned with the here and now that I forget. Old drawings or articles are outlets of the moment that I don’t really recall the intricacies of the process. It’s like snapping from a trance and moving on. I ask myself, “What the fuck was I thinking?” whenever I see something cringe-worthy, or, “Wow, I did this?” when I see something I like that I don’t remember doing.
I rarely congratulate myself, I guess. I used to be very competitive with others back in college; hell, I probably still am. But now it’s more of a personal, unspoken thing where I’m on a constant lookout for improvement. I did a comic book thesis, Dark Utopia, as a graduation requirement over a decade ago, and even then, I only liked a handful of the 75-plus pages I drew. Whenever I see those plates, I just shudder, but am also impressed with the decent ones nevertheless. Same with some written stuff I’ve rediscovered on bundles of scratch papers and old notebooks, or old published works.
It’s a strange but interesting feeling when, for instance, Benedict says a line from my comic book (Lexy...) word-for-word, or when I open the same book and I suddenly remember John telling me years ago to primarily focus on the story and characterization while I was conceptualizing. It’s like I’m déjà vu’ed into the mindset and sensory settings of the time. I don’t think aloud about things like artistic attitude or balls I’ve developed throughout the years, I suppose. So looking at my works from a distance, at certain opportunities that are rare these days, I’m barraged, amazed, and sometimes baffled that I’m capable of things.
And these things, I love doing. Sometimes I still have to take a moment to realize that, yeah, I got talents. And I’m still learning and growing.
3 comments:
> What the fuck was I thinking
hi oliver. its not uncommon for artists to have several versions of the same piece. i was watching bbc and they featured edward munch' scream.
this particular painting underwent many revisions from the same artist. and remakes from others.
> déjà vu
also, literally means "already saw" in french ^_^
when you say mixed media, what does it mean?
Hello Max. Re your first comment- Yeah, usually, the hardest people to please are the creators of the artworks themselves.
Mixed media- two or more materials were used for the artwork. For the drawing above, for example, I used ink, water color, and pencils.
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