Sitting So Pretty With a Criminal Grace

Gotham by Batlight

My Bat-Family. Left to right: Robin, Batgirl, Catwoman, Batman, Batwoman, Huntress and Nightwing. Hmm, I wonder why Gotham’s criminals still stay in the city, when these masked protectors will just keep pounding on them when they get caught? Yeah, they’re masochistic, and are often led by the crazy Arkham-ites, but still. Maybe Bats and company should start busting them as a tighter team, like this take-no-crap bogeyman army, and not chase after loony thugs separately. Throw in Oracle, the new Question, and maybe new people that can take over the Azrael, Orpheus, and Spoiler identities, and it’s gonna be crime-free in a matter of days. But even then, the opposition will probably hire a JLA-level threat to keep Gotham streets bat-free. Still, a more organized Bat-team looks mighty cool.

In the Front Row, the Front Row

Had a great time at the invitational screening of The Simpsons Movie. Well, I had to embarrass myself first 'cause I got persuaded into joining a contest prior to the showing. Let me just say that I know that I have some genuine talents, but singing a song that I don’t know just isn’t one of ‘em. Gack. I wanted to join the trivia contest, not that other fricking game (where we had to be judged by the clapping audience!). John, who went to the CR prior to me joining (too much time was being wasted, I had to step up!) told me that he could practically see a gigantic “WTF?!” in his head as he saw me in front. He laughed his ass off, while I was wishing that the earth would just swallow me. Well, I was a good sport, and I’m not thinking about how bad I was at that, at least not too much.

What a weird experience. I got some consolation goodies like a Simpsons notebook, stickers, and a kid’s wristwatch (which I hope John’s niece will like). Well, thought joining it was gonna be painless. It started when the deejay-host was looking for a third contestant; he singled me out ‘cause I was only a few feet from him in the front row, and he called me “a lovely man.” He asked if I wanted to try, and I just had to say, “Sure, why not.”

I’m such an easy slut, sometimes.

Arrh, Eighteen

Looking back, the toughest part of being eighteen? That's a hard one. For me, among them was trying to survive my sophomore college year, which didn’t feel as fun or as breezy as the first year. The subjects, the company and the professors weren’t as interesting, save for those few instances and rare souls who made life easier and more meaningful for me. But generally, I didn’t feel too into my school work. I found it burdensome to be attending classes that felt like a waste of time, and to be lugging around art instruments and illustration boards when I could just hang out somewhere and escape. I felt preoccupied, and those drawing sessions didn’t feel as relaxed to me as they used to be. But I was able to get into them again, inspired and rejuvenated, the next school year.

The photo above was taken at Filbar’s Galleria, during one of comic book artist Whilce Portacio’s earliest signing appearances. I was digging the art of Todd McFarlane and Jim Lee as well, back then. I got into comic books more, and wanted to become involved in the creation process of some eventually. That year was also the time I was introduced to the works of greats such as Simon Bisley and Nick Manabat, and to fellow artist-creators and devout comics fans.

As far as being considered an adult is concerned, I didn’t really think about it seriously during those days. But as a first-time voter, I was quite excited, idealistic, maybe a little naïve. It was a little funny that the poll watcher had to ask me my year of birth because I probably looked younger than my age. Going to R-18 movies was hassle-free too, not that I got questioned about it when I’d watch them as a younger teenager. But the censors-butchered films for adults at the time were often bewildering.

At that age, almost everything led to a momentous turning point. Personal milestones took place. There were some endings, quiet epiphanies, and the beginning of new things.

Nailed Ya

Had those fingernails looking that way for almost a week. I had to remove ‘em after one nail’s paint started chipping off. The pic was taken at Rockwell, when I was resting near where the New Worlds Alliance was having their event. That white rubber bracelet, I got that last summer. It entitled me to free beer. Drank like a fish. Fun times.

Speaking of fun, I’ve seen some episodes of Kathy Griffin’s My Life on the D-List. The woman is damn funny and smart. She used an interesting analogy (okay, I’m gonna paraphrase for a bit) when she explained how a magazine she was contributing to kept contacting her about a piece that she’d do for them. But after a while, when she’d call them about the finished piece, she felt somewhat ignored. She likened it to such a situation where a person courted her incessantly, then slept with her, but couldn’t be reached when she tried contacting him. After the chase, it’s like the magazine wasn’t interested anymore. It’s like being told, Kathy deadpanned, “We f*cked you!”

Funny and sad, ‘cause it’s so true.

The Lovers, the Dreamers, Me

Paint It Black

Haven’t had any beer in over a month. I kinda miss it, actually, and the feeling of intoxication that comes with finishing several bottles. I think it has something to do with sleeping; the spinning feeling, prior to dozing off or after doing something boneheaded under the influence, is an interesting one for me. Anyway, am doing just fine without it. But I do miss it sometimes.

Nothing much lately. Same old. Waiting for some things, like Mozzie’s EP. Six songs, according to Pam. I wanna own that. It’s out soon, so yay!

I’m also on the lookout for that good-looking Marvel Legends Thor (the new Lord of Asgard version). Apparently, that’s the most sought-after figure from the set; the other characters look really unappealing (I’m looking at you, X3 Jean Grey and Juggernaut!). I’ll probably just get Thor when he reappears, and maybe Quicksilver.

Saw a few things last week. John and I attended preview screenings of Ratatouille (love it!) and Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix (it had some nice big moments). Don’t feel like talking about them now in detail, though, but yeah, they’re both movies that kids and their parents might enjoy watching.

Briefly hung out with Benedict last Saturday. He cosplayed during the New Worlds event at Rockwell, and later won again for his now war-worn Bumblebee costume. He’s the third placer this time. His Bumblebee and transforming Brawn costumes have won two awards each at different events, and he’s been appearing in a number of shows and exhibits with them. Cool thing to see kids and similarly excited adults rush to where he and fellow Transformers cosplayers are, and have pictures taken with them.

Oh, yeah, before I forget, I had my left fingernails painted black. Not to symbolically mark any emo-whatever phase or anything. I just felt like doing it. Benedict seems kinda amused by it.

Bizarre Love Triangle

Three’s company and a crowd (pic from Yahoomovies)

“Someone once said, there’s no such thing as love, only proofs of love.’” –Isabelle

Saw Bernardo Bertolucci’s The Dreamers. What a sad, sexy film. Cineastes Theo (Louis Garrel), Isabelle (Eva Green) and Matthew (remember Michael Pitt from Dawson’s Creek?) share an apartment in France, and apart from their love for cinema, they really are fond of each other. But the thing is, Theo and Isabelle are twins, and their uncommon closeness is weirding Matthew out. Still, the siblings and their new American friend discover that their love for film and some heated debates can lead to other passionate pursuits. Erotic and masterfully shot, The Dreamers is a feast for the eyes and the mind, a film that offers challenging insights on artistry, as well as the political and social upheavals of the era.

Oh, and I love it when Isabelle touched Matthew’s “red, ripe, luscious lips” and wanted to put lipstick on ‘em, believing he’d make a pretty girl. Cute and funny.

Sometimes a Fantasy

Check out my art blog. If I haven’t posted these drawings there, I will one of these days. This illustration above was done in July 2000. The Cavalry, from “Utopia Comics,” originally drawn on 11” X 17” cartolina. It’s a pseudo-cover, and it's kind of my homage to superhero lineup change covers. I wanted to put as many of my characters on it as I could. The final roster, I think, was made up of nine typical team tokens (a few powerhouses, a reformed villain, a loose cannon, an enigma, etc.) Boy, I had a lot of time back then. It’s a double-sized issue at $1.50, so I probably pretended that it came out in the late ‘80s.

This here’s a re-imagining of the characters from Psigns. Isaac (the cryokinetic) and Hob (the, um, magic hat wielder) as grownups. Gel pen on small Bristol board, drawn last week.

Really enjoyed doing these drawings.

Madness in This Reason

Raindrops Falling From Heaven

Bought myself a new umbrella, since my last one’s leaking already. Before that, I had one that lasted me for over a decade, but it had to succumb to irreparable damage. It couldn’t weather the storms, anymore.

Weather’s matching my mood lately. I sometimes wish that I never got into some things and situations in the last three months but, well, if anything, I’m learning from them the hard way now. I feel glum and weak this past week or so, and I just have been staying too long in slumberland. But I’m doing my best to get back on track. Counting my blessings is hard, but it’s good that I can still recognize that they’re there.

Shtup the Press

After five years of writing for the paper, I finally have my official press ID. I could’ve asked for it sooner, but it didn’t occur to me to request for one until early this year, at the suggestion of my Entertainment editor. A fellow contributor already has one, and I was encouraged to have my own just in case people who need to verify my identity wish to see it, during formal coverages or specific assignments.

Most functions I’m sent to and attend are informal, but I want to avoid situations where people (publicists or such who invite people from the section) look at me suspiciously. There were some instances when I ask people for directions as I arrive at some event, and they scowl or hesitate from replying like I’m some gatecrashing riffraff. I’ve been asked in a demeaning tone, “Sino ka ba?” But, and this has happened more than once, whenever I mention the name of the broadsheet I’m representing, wow! Total personality switch, they suddenly become nice and cloyingly friendly!

Creeps. You can never get used to that. So anyway, I’m glad that I have one now. It’s not that required, usually, but it does make me feel a little reassured.

Follow His Bliss

Ryan Taylor Bliss’ cover of “I Hope That I Don’t Fall In Love With You.” Way sweet.

Fool for Love

Soundtrack of my love life, at least for the past few weeks. Narrowed it down to 24. I actually started this list for a Valentine's Day post but never finished it. Besides, it's evolved a lot since then. I think I can listen to this collection all day, if I had them all, and compiled. It’s a mix of adult contemporary, alternative, and pop tunes. I can’t really compress all those songs I love into such a list, but at this moment, I’m digging these particular ones, sighing, and am reminded why love can stop, begin again, and can’t truly be measured properly:

1. Love is Strange- Everything But The Girl
“After you’ve had it, you’ll never want to quit.”

2. I Want You- Silencers
“Well, I want to paint your picture with that great look in your eyes.”

3. I Love You- Primal Scream
“Maybe our communion shall prevail.”

4. Found- The Beloved
“Your smile is like the ocean, your kiss the seven seas.”

5. Can’t Help Falling In Love- Lick the Tins
“Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?” (love this version the most 'cause it sounds innocent)

6. Show Me Heaven- Maria McKee
“I’m not denying. I’m frightened as much as you.”

7. I Need You Here- Color It Red
“Now it’s late and I feel older, having lost so much to you…”

8. Free Fallin’- Tom Petty
“I’m a bad boy, cause I don’t even miss her. I’m a bad boy for breaking her heart.”

9. The Flame- Cheap Trick
“You were the first, you’ll be the last.”

10. Endless Summer Nights- Richard Marx
“Time was all we had until the day we said goodbye.”

11. Drops of Jupiter- Train
“Did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?”

12. As Long As It Matters- Gin Blossoms
“Forget that our time is almost up.”

13. J for Jules- ‘Til Tuesday
“Someday we’ll be happy again.”

14. Life After- Isha
“I guess you have to leave, so I can live.”

15. I Will Follow You Into The Dark- Death Cab For Cutie
“Love of mine, someday you will die, but I’ll be close behind.”

16. Strong Enough- Sheryl Crow
“Lie to me, but please don’t leave.”

17. (I Can’t Seem) To Make You Mine- The Clientele
“But the crowd pulled you away, through the rhythm and the rain.”

18. In Your Eyes- Peter Gabriel
“The light, the heat, I am complete.”

19. Last Goodbye- Jeff Buckley
“Kiss me out of desire, baby, not consolation.”

20. Am I Wrong- Love Spit Love
“Goodbye, lay the blame on luck.”

21. In Demand- Texas
"You never had our love written in your plans.”

22. Crazy- Icehouse
“You’re the one sure thing when I get lost in the game.”

23. Better Love- Londonbeat
“I was driving home, the morning after with the taste of you still on my tongue.”

24. Love On A Rooftop- Desmond Child
“Whatever happened to those endless nights, when we were happy living young and foolish lives?

Troubled Cure for a Troubled Mind

Vox Du Jour

Thursday was a sapping and humbling day. Hate it. Wednesday was much, much better; I was looking for a video of the Tom Waits song, “I Hope That I Don’t Fall In Love With You” over YouTube, but I found an excellent, excellent folky rendition by a guy named Ryan Taylor Bliss instead. Am too lazy to search and link it, so look him up if you’re interested. The guy’s got a cool, calming voice; he did astounding acoustic covers of Death Cab for Cutie’s “I Will Follow You Into The Dark” and Toad the Wet Sprocket’s “Walk On The Ocean,” among other songs. Ryan Taylor Bliss! If you’re reading this after Googling your name, let me just say that you’re so damn awesome! I watched/listened to your “I Hope That I Don’t Fall In Love With you” performance thrice. Ohhh, that was beautiful, man.

Hulk Slash!

I enjoyed “Planet Hulk,” an arc that ran for about a year or so in The Incredible Hulk title. Writer Greg Pak and artist Carlo Pagulayan did well in giving Marvel’s raging behemoth a new direction, and the space fantasy saga redefined the Hulk as one of the most cunning, most driven comics characters in a while. Spoilers! I was surprised that in this storyline, the latest version of the Hulk is actually intelligent but brooding (in a way that’s almost similar to the grey incarnation). Exiled by the Illuminati (Iron Man, Mr. Fantastic, Dr. Strange, Black Bolt), he crash-lands far from his intended destination and soon becomes a savage gladiator. The Hulk and his fellow fighter-slaves, the Warbound, change the conflict-torn planet forever, leading to the next epic, World War Hulk.

The first issue of the miniseries was worth the wait, as the Hulk, now really, really mad, returns to Earth to make the Illuminati pay. Pak is good, as usual, but the art, this time by John Romita, Jr., isn’t that great, sadly. Still, the big moments finally happen, including Hulk’s meeting and subsequent punchathons with his exilers. And poor Avengers Tower! Wow, I can’t really say I’ll miss that bland headquarters, though.

I hope this doesn’t disappoint like Civil War, and that the ordinary joes won’t jump into the fray at the last possible second to show the Hulk the error of his ways.

Mayer of Angstville

Old song. Yep, he’s singing about me right now.

Not Myself
(John Mayer)

Suppose I said
I am on my best behavior
And there are times
I lose my worried mind

Would you want me when I’m not myself
Wait it out while I am someone else

Suppose I said
Colors change for no good reason
And words will go from poetry to prose
Would you want me when I’m not myself
Wait it out while I am someone else

And I, in time
Will come around
I always do for you

Suppose I said
You’re my saving grace

Long Live the Legion!

But which version? Actually, I still like the “Archie Legion” best, and I miss those characters a lot. But the Legion of Superheroes is still one of my fave teams ever, regardless of the zillion revamps or reincarnations.

But “The Lightning Saga,” which teamed the Pre-Crisis version of the 31^st century super-group with the JSA and the JLA… well, it didn’t really show them doing much. Two members were left behind in the present after their secret mission, which successfully brought back a beloved character that was lost for over a year, I think. But questions were raised that weren’t answered within the crossover. I don’t like the lack of a satisfying explanation in the end, and that “you’ll understand in time” excuse is just annoying.

Artwise, I still can’t get into Benes’ style, which looks heavily Jim Lee-esque. I don’t like that every guy has the same body type (bulky/muscular), and that all the girls look the same (but with different hairstyles). The art doesn’t make me get into the story as much as, say, Doug Mahnke’s or Brian Hitch’s style did when they served as JLA pencillers years ago.

Jesus, Mary… Chain

Another old fave. Cool that the two vocalists were alternately “talking” to each other through the stanzas. I can so feel this song right now, and I love that the entire exchange is in simple but straightforward lines.

Sometimes Always
(Jesus and Mary Chain)

I gave you all I had
I gave you good and bad
I gave but you just threw it back

I won’t get on my knees
Don’t make me do that please
I’ve been away but now I’m back

Don’t be too sure of that
What makes you sure of that
You went away, you can’t come back

I walked away from you
I hurt you through and through
Aw honey, give me one more chance

Oh, you’re a lucky son
Lucky son of a gun
You went away
You went away
You went away but now you’re back

I got down on my knees
And then I begged you, please
I’ll always need you
Take me back

Partly Metal, Partly Real

Princess Fantalian of the Metalfairies. Click on it for a bigger image. Drew her head and hair while waiting for a friend in a mall, about two weeks ago. I finished her body when I got home. It’s green gel pen ink on half a bond-sized sheet of vellum. I also drew two other characters when I stayed home early this week. Will post ‘em at my art blog, when I feel like it. Do visit.

Rocket Man, Burning Up His Fuse

Just finished Planet Hulk and the action-packed first issue of World War Hulk, as well as the JLA-JSA-Legion teamup story "The Lightning Saga." Read a bunch of good Marvel Handbooks too. Maybe I’ll talk about ‘em next time.

Live for Your Smile, Die for Your Kiss

Your arms and chest hurt again after hours of using those snazzy exercise devices like the low row, the pectoral machine, the chest incline, the chest press, the vertical traction and the delts machine, but they hurt so good and make you feel that you spent your time there wisely, and you can’t help but wonder if those uber-hotties in their revealing gym-wear ever eat anything, or if they always looked that way, because, boy, they probably look good in anything and have awesome sex all the time, but it helps that you’re not the most outta shape person there, that you really don’t care about the eye candy too much, that you’re enjoying your workout, your head raised and lower lip tucked, that the nighttime view of the cityscape from the shower cubicle window makes you wanna touch yourself, and that you’re far from the confines of normalcy, albeit temporarily.

Normal would be when you do your duties like clockwork, thinking about the money you’ll be able to spend for all your needs and wants, true, but there are days when you just wanna escape the mundanity of it all, the seriousness of it all, the feeling of being constricted and trapped, and all you could think about are the times when things were unbelievably happy and you were content with just getting off and sleeping when daylight came, not caring about anything else especially the consequences and the repercussions, those dreaded four-syllable words that meant that you have to be an adult now, that you have to take responsibility, that you can’t be complacent anymore.

But that’s easier said than done, and when things aren’t normal and you’re alone, or wish to be, you just think about the quick cheap thrills, the taste of escape, the sweet freedom given by those whom you fantasized about, and you’d have died happy too because they’re your drug, those escapist souls like yourself, excited and eager to just get away from real life, unbridled by concerns and deadlines and monthly dues especially in those stolen times, getting intimate in ways that still blow your mind, and all you can process again and again are the careful thrusts and the arousing moans, the hard and the tender parts, the warm mouths that hungered, the skin that felt comfortable next to yours, the magic hands, the sweet surrender, the warm and wet essence of the climax on bare flesh that others can only imagine and dream about.

But you keep desiring and dreaming, and when you feel some of them tugging in that silly thing you call a heart, or hear their intoxicating voices in your head, you just wonder why things can’t last forever, why people can’t be more honest, so you think about escaping some more, but drowning yourself in the bottle isn’t exactly the way to do it, you learn quickly, that’s why you distract yourself with all those other things, but you end up watching more gorgeous people--you wanna be them and you wanna bed them!--and you’re curious how their clothes hide their imperfect skin, which everyone has anyway, and you wish you were as well-versed at the art of verbal communication as those with a similar propensity for adventure.

When the restlessness ends, you wonder why, even when you don’t deserve it, devotion to you remains, despite the insecurities and that pain you inadvertently caused, feelings you’re no stranger to, and you try to smile through the lies and especially when the precarious balancing act feels tedious and thankless that you just wanna jump off a cliff, metaphorically speaking, but at the end of the day, after the heartache and tears, you savor these moments, because they’re your own, and even when you don’t believe in yourself, sometimes, it’s more than enough that they do.

Sole Survivor

Drunk alien toy collector, from a panel off my unpublished story, illustrated early last year

This Precious Time, When Time is New

I’ve been looking to the past again, probably my way of gaining insight and divining my direction for the future. I’ve been especially reflective lately, partly because I grew a conscience again, and also because I need to regain control of my life. Not that I don’t have that, it’s just that I’ve been enjoying things way too much lately. Just had some health checkups, and thankfully, there’s nothing majorly wrong. Whew.

Ah, the future. I fear you, somewhat, but you've always been here.

Blood Makes Noise

Speaking of looking back, I'm half-amazed, half-aghast at stuff I drew about ten years ago. Dhampyr, written by Alamat’s talented David Hontiveros, was something I illustrated at a time when I was feeling entirely different. I did that during a period of anxiety, and looking at it now, there are portions of it that show how restless I was back then, at least to me. I remember it was launched that Halloween, and was even featured in a short segment by the midnight show Business and Leisure (where the female voiceover pronounced it as “dam-pire” instead of “dam-peer”). It was at Synergy in Glorietta; I don’t know exactly where it used to be, but I remember that it was an arcade and the place was packed. I look at that comic book fondly; some pages surprise me now because of some technically impressive parts, while others make me cringe and wince because they look real icky and unfocused. I can admit that now, at least.

(Pic above from Budjette’s phlog)

Babes in Boyland

Again, I’m no stranger to feeling uncertain about my future, about what to do next. And even when I can say that I’ve matured in a lot of ways since then, I still feel anxious and restless once in a while.

As part of my ruminations, I’ve just been looking at old photos, writings and drawings, as well as profile pages and blogs of friends and strangers. These trigger connections to old feelings and mindsets, and I don’t know, they make me remember how good some things were back then for me. There’s almost always that realization that things may never feel the same way again, but there’s the hope that there are still things worth exploring and enjoying. I can only say so much here, and I’d rather treasure some experiences off-blog, yeah. Hah, cryptic much? Well, to quote a friend, that’s the way I’m built. Not that anyone cares, of course.

Oh, this image below was scanned off the contributors’ page of March last year’s issue of Icon. Yeah, that’s me, and I was surprised the girl at the extreme right, Ana Marie, was there too. Anyway, turns out that she’s the sister-in-law of the magazine’s editor in chief, and she wrote about a restaurant. Coolness. I’ve often wondered how some people--at least those old classmates without Friendster profiles--are doing, and how they’ve grown. She was my seatmate during fourth grade, and was really kind to me especially since I was a new student that year. I think I had a crush on her for a while. That thought kinda weirds Benedict out, because coincidentally, they have the same surname.

Two years ago, I remember him yanking me by the wrist through Club Government, that party place where Icon’s launch was held, to drop off a bunch of Lexy’s for review. Cool but crowded place, that; not at all Queer As Folk-y decadent, but I’ve only been there once, so I dunno how it’s like on normal days. Met most of the staffers there, as well as some old friends and acquaintances. Interesting crowd, too, gay boys and their faghags were dancing to the thumpa-thumpa, while some people were just milling around and looking lost (but so ready to get it on).

Hmm, I checked the archives; I wasn’t able to write about it. Must’ve been preoccupied or something. But yeah, it was also good that I was able to contribute something to the mag many months later.

Soaring Tumbling Freewheeling

Finished the two-hour pilot of Battlestar Galactica. Man, that was depressing. But the show’s actually good, except maybe for the space battle effects scenes (while technically well-rendered, they feel rather cold and drab). I hesitated to watch the next episode because I didn’t want to feel sapped, but the more bearable running time made it easier. It was tense; the human characters on the show are constantly on the run, after the deadly Cylon robot “race” eliminated billions in a barrage of nuclear attacks. It’s kinda heavy, but I’m interested to see where it’s heading.

But I didn’t get teary eyed over it at all as I did over scenes from L Word and Veronica Mars episodes that I recently watched. Sigh. Sometimes, you just feel some of these fictional people’s pain more than you do those of reality’s, which is, I know, sad and a testament to brilliance at the same time.

Shining Shimmering Splendid

Just wanted to post two paragraphs that were omitted from my published review of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer yesterday. I’m thankful, of course, that it got printed, but because of space constraints, parts were edited out. These were the two paragraphs that were originally there, just before the last one in the edited version. Spoilerish, for those who’ve yet to see it:

- - - - - - - - - -

This “devourer of worlds,” Galactus, isn’t seen as the ornately armored humanoid giant, and will probably be a huge letdown to longtime comic book fans. He’s a mass of cloudy energy here, and is reduced as a one-dimensional plot device that’s supposedly holding the Surfer’s homeworld hostage. Oh, the Surfer’s cool, by the way, despite the very limited information we get on his character. He’s motion-acted by Doug Jones (who previously appeared as the fairy-munching monster in “Pan’s Labyrinth”), while Laurence Fishburne supplies his majestic voice.

The resolution is too dependent on his change of heart, however, and it doesn’t show the Fantastic Four as a force to be reckoned with. They should’ve outsmarted Galactus, but in their darkest hour, all they could do was hope that their problem gets solved for them. One member bites the dust temporarily, which sends the Surfer switching sides in the quick, oomph-free final conflict. But the team should’ve fought this climactic battle themselves, with high-tech guns and gizmos a-blazing. But we don’t see that happen. Bummer.

- - - - - - - - - -

Clarification

The komiks article I submitted to the Entertainment section of the paper is finally out today. Here's the online version. I sent that a couple of months ago. I'm thankful that they were able to keep its length. Space is hard to come by these days in that section. To Mrs. Luming Coching, Regie Ravelo, Carl Vergara, and Gerry Alanguilan, thank you very much for helping out, and for your patience. I dunno which pictures made it, so please grab a copy of the print version soon.

Also, I'd like to clarify something. A pair of sentences in the first paragraph of the published/edited version reads: "The medium thrived, enjoying a diverse audience. But it is slowly vanishing from the newsstands." I originally wrote, "This medium thrived and enjoyed a diverse readership until it slowly vanished from newsstands in recent years." I mention this because I know for a fact that komiks currently aren't being sold at sidewalks or other places that sell newspapers and other publications. So that sentence should've been in the past tense all along.

But these things happen... and, well, I still love my editors. :)

Me and My Jekyll and Hydeness

Two Stars for Arms Like Orion

Arms hurt. I think I went overboard with lifting weights yesterday. John and I had complimentary gym passes, and we were quite satisfied with about three hours of workout time in that classy enough place. Treadmilled and used a few of the lats-arms exercisers, so I now feel muscle pain every time I move or raise my arms. Yowtch. He enjoyed the sauna; wish I tried that too.

Last Saturday was Toycon at Megamall. Got me a classic Donna Troy figure (from the Infinite Crisis set, series 2), and a Tim Drake Robin (from the DC Superheroes line). Later in the evening, Dicky won People’s Choice and Fudge’s Favorite awards for his transforming Brawn costume, so congrats, you. Thanks also for this pic above with the life-sized Justice Leaguers.

Five and Up

If I traveled back in time and met up with you, I wonder how much of what I’ll tell you you’ll believe. I know that you don’t care about the future, not yet anyway, but if I tell you things about it now, how differently would your life end up?

Well, I’ll tell you what I know about you, anyway. You’re only concerned with very few things, like your robot cartoons--Voltes V, UFO Grendaizer and Mazinger Z—but they’ll be gone in a few months. Not to worry. You’ll forget about them and follow other cartoon adventures, especially Paul in Fantasyland. You’ll be playing with Lego for the first time next year, and you’ll want to study more because you just love asking for--and getting--toy rewards. Not long after that, your mom will buy you your first comic books from National Bookstore’s Edsa Central branch. But for now, you’re happy with just running around and playing in that big pile of sand outside your house.

Oh, by the way, you’ll be leaving that all-boys school in three years. How different would things have been if you stayed there? Many of your classmates will be studying there until they’re 16. That’s old for you, I know, but you will grow and change, too. It’s not that big a deal. You’ll leave that school and you’ll forget about your life there. You’ll think about the kids you considered friends and imagine how they turned out, many years later.

But there will be other friends. One of those is chasing the priests’ pet sheep at his school’s garden right now, while another of your future confidants had just been born. It’ll be a long time before you meet them. The others, well, you’ll be crossing the street, or walking in the supermarket, and they’re there. You don’t know it, and neither do they, but years later, you’ll meet them for real and you’ll be drawn to them. You may’ve met some of ‘em already.

There will be times when you’ll be sad, but when you’re much, much older, you’ll accept that the world isn’t perfect. You already know that it’s not. People will fail you; you won’t know what to believe. But that won’t last. When you’re older, there’ll be others like you. You’ll be talking and asking a lot about life. You don’t believe that now, because you’re a shy boy. Well, get back to whatever it was you were doing, kid. You don’t understand English that well, yet, so keep watching Sesame Street. And be a good boy. You sure won’t be when you grow up.

Fifteen, There’s Still Time for You

So much for my time jaunt. It seems like you’ve grown the same way, so I’m invading your dream, instead. I know you’re wondering what the hell I’m talking about. I’m a stranger and all, but I know you, oh, yes indeedy. Right now, you’re a fan of Fra Lippo Lippi, When In Rome and Debbie Gibson… should I go on? But there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re okay, you know? A bit overeager, but at your age, that’s understandable. You’re not one of the hip, fornicating, gin-guzzling athlete types or cool hunky boys, but you’re immersed in what you like. By this time, I’d say you’re already an individual; some people look up to you and some despise you for your newfound confidence. Oh, teenage drama. You and your friends only think you know what’s in store for you. You have no damn idea.

You thought you wanted to play the drums to impress some girl, but you decided not to pursue that because you feel that it’s too much hard work. You wanna be a radio deejay, but really, you only want to play stacks of vinyl records, and for people to listen to your playlist. But, you know your strengths. You can do other things well. Still, you’re doing a barely decent job as Art Club president, and that moderator’s getting paid for not doing anything! You’re okay with the responsibilities he’s given you, though, and you want to experience how leadership feels. Well, good luck with that, you naïve twink.

You still have to study for your NCEE, and fill up some college applications on top of that. But don’t worry; you’ll get into the university that’s right for you. You’ll love that first year of college, let me tell you that, your initial anxieties about the change of pace and environment notwithstanding.

It’s good that you’ve come out of your shell and are communicating more. You’re a normal kid. You’re already starting to think about those questions during Bible study and Mass. You know what I’m talking about. But you can’t speak out just yet. You’re at that stage, maybe a necessary one, to help make you more discerning someday. But yeah, I believe now that you’re going to understand more from experience. There will be times you’ll feel duped, but you’ll get better. You’ll also feel lost, ignored, and confused, and not always in that order. But I promise you, there will be clarity.

You’ve yet to meet people who’ll profoundly and drastically alter and influence your life. You’ll find yourself at odds with a few of them sometimes, but the storms pass. And there will be those who’ll stand by you even when you’re not feeling worth anything.

In the meantime, enjoy that full head of hair. The clock will start ticking on it when you’re 22. But fret not. You’ll get action when you least expect it, so don’t be an idiot during those times. You’ll meet interesting people through your job, and also with the help of the computer. No, it’s not just for Lotus 123 or playing Digger anymore. You’ll be changing radically, but I’d rather not say how, for now. There will be those persons to whom you’ll surrender yourself, but not always completely. Some of them will break your heart, and you’ll do the same to them too. I’d suggest that you avoid certain people, but you have to know mistakes firsthand and learn from them. You’re going to want everything, and you’ll discover that that’s the kind of person you are.

You’ll forget all these, I know, but I hope they’ll stick to your subconscious. Be brave, young man. It’s going to be nuts, but you’ll survive.

Love's Like a Needle, Every Time

Hot June night. Ants are still a-marching, even though it looks like it’s gonna be raining hard again real soon. But I’m not minding the heat that much, at least not tonight. I’m listening to old new wave music between sipping nearly frozen iced tea, and jumping around like a fool. What a weird week for semi-epiphanies, blessing-counting, and impromptu rendezvous’s. Pardon the crypticness; I’m just my own prime time TV program this week. Nothing in particular about that I’m at liberty to share, however. But I’m feeling okay.

Lust is Contagious

Speaking of TV, I’ve been thinking about how fictional people have been written to reflect reality’s unusual relationships. I dunno; love and lust and all the things in between are a puzzle to me sometimes, even when I’m no stranger to those feelings. As several showbiz people have figured in different relationship scandals recently, I just have to wonder about the traditional notions surrounding fidelity and long-term unions and their parameters. But, meh, not really interested right now in talking about what’s acceptable behavior and what’s not; besides, gossip isn’t my cuppa tea.

Still, Carrie Bradshaw illumination moment: I guess people pursue what they want, and there’s thrill in the supposedly illicit connections. Well, here are some of my fave TV hookups, breakups, complicated relationships and couples. No particular order:

1. Veronica Mars’ first season boyfriend trouble was easy to follow, as she’s torn between rich kid jerkoid Logan Echolls and rich kid weirdo Duncan Kane. She also has a chaste relationship with the hot new Italian cop (I know people who’d rather see her end up with this guy), but it was one of the show’s best moments when she unexpectedly locked lips with someone who’s almost her exact opposite in the first season. Hawt.

2. The Jenny-Tim-Marina triangle from The L Word was developed well, however predictably. When lesbian restaurateur Marina first meets the similarly well-read Jenny, they hit it off fast. Soon, they repeatedly fool around behind the back of the latter’s boyfriend, Tim. But, wait, Jenny still fancies man parts! Yep. Bisexual.

3. In Queer As Folk, among the most intriguing storylines was the breakup of the longtime lez couple Melanie and Lindsay, caused by the blonde’s unexpected attraction to an artist. A guy! I like how this was foreshadowed over a span of episodes, but the eventual tryst was still surprising.

4. Also in QAF, I especially like when college boy Justin abandoned his bedhopping soulmate Brian Kinney for a sweet and gifted violinist. The arc showed Justin’s character briefly harbor a secret for a change, and the inevitable discovery by Brian and his succeeding devious machinations to mess up the new lovers were excellent.

5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s always had addictive romance angles, but my favorite is still the Buffy-Riley-Angel confrontation back in the fourth season. I had pretty much the same “Oh my god!!!” reaction as a friend and a sibling when the Slayer’s vampire ex Angel and current soldier beau Riley first met face to face, under less than pleasant circumstances. Ah, that Buffy and her alpha male admirers. Love the way Angel mocked Riley in front of his ex: “You sleep with this guy?!” Zing.

6. The implied occasional pairing of Captain Jack Harkness and Ianto Jones (above, thanks torchwood3.co.uk), was a stunning revelation. Everyone knows that Jack shags guys, but Ianto? After his whining and mourning for his girlfriend-turned-cyborg killing machine (who nearly snuffed his fellow Torchwood agents), who’d have thought? Just a few eps later, I paraphrase:

Ianto: There are many things you can do with a stopwatch. (smiles)
Jack: I’ll send them home early. Meet me in my office in ten minutes! (smiles)

Three bisexual hookups in this list. Hmm. Hotness.

Heart of the Matter

Three songs. Love ‘em. “I Call Your Name” is by A-Ha, “As Long As It Matters” is by Gin Blossoms and last one’s “Caramel” by Suzanne Vega. Relevant at this point.

- - - - - - - - - -

I Call Your Name

We got married on a cold mid-winter’s morning. We said our lines, then kissed and it was over. Those pronouncements had such weight. I guess they made us hesitate.

When she moved her hips and swayed in my direction. I thought we could make it yet and beat the isolation. But in that gentle dark, man, we tore ourselves apart.

Through the fire and rain, through the wilderness and pain, through the losses, through the gains, on love’s roller coaster train: I call your name.

We used to laugh. Is the fire dying, babe? It hurts to ask. Let me hold you for awhile.

Through the fire and rain, through the wilderness and pain, through the losses, through the gains, on love’s roller coaster train: I call your name.

- - - - - - - - - -

As Long As It Matters

How can I find something that two can take? Without stumbling as we walk into our future’s wake. I’m like a broken record that you can play. Repeating as if it matters everything I want to say.

I’ll be all right. As long as it matters. As long as you’re here with me now.

Forget that time, it’s nothing we touch and see. All this is fine even as it crashes down on me. I’m looking around, there’s nothing that I could want. More than to tell you there’s no more than we’ve already got.

I’ll be all right. As long as it matters. As long as you’re here with me now.

Forget that our time is almost up.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Caramel

It won’t do to dream of caramel, to think of cinnamon, and long for you.

It won’t do to stir a deep desire, to fan a hidden fire that can never burn true.

I know your name. I know your skin. I know the way these things begin.

But I don’t know how I would live with myself, what I’d forgive of myself, if you don’t go.

So goodbye, sweet appetite. No single bite could satisfy,

I know your name. I know your skin. I know the way these things begin

Chicken Lover

Cocky old pic. This was taken almost two years ago, while waiting for the Narnia preview at Shang.

One Good Stretch Before Our Hibernation

Dashboard Confessional’s “Stolen” keeps playing over and over in my head for days now. Saw the video a few weeks back, and it’s getting decent rotation, which is kinda strange because the “Dusk and Summer” album’s been out for almost a year here (got it soon after it was released), and that’s many months after the initial track “Don’t Wait” began showing over the music channels. The video for “Stolen” is cute, especially the parts where two kids find out via card-reading that they’re fated to be lovers when they grow up. It’s also kinda funny when Chris Carrabba looks like he’s straining to hit the notes and his neck looks like it’s gonna pop. But I love the song and his voice. Can’t get ‘em outta my head, and my memories of the last few weeks are soundtracked heavily by them. The album’s other songs (about summer and nakedness and kissing and all the mushy metaphors) make the album something that the lovesick, lovestruck emo-types can’t afford to miss.

Saw the Fantastic Four sequel a few hours ago with lustful Popes John and Benedict. The movie feels short, and could’ve explored things more, but hmmm… I’m still processing it. There are cool parts that weren’t explained properly and there are those that were painful to see, but it’s something that you won’t take too seriously, unlike other recent superhero movies. I was hoping to see more of… oops, almost spoiled it. Despite its occasional clunkiness, it's still mostly mindless fun; if you’re just after that, it’ll probably easily work for ya.

Feeling sleepy but I’m full so I won’t crash just yet. Finished season six of 24 last Sunday. Finally. Erm, I like the previous season way better. Some spoilers, right about… now. After two years of torture in a Chinese prison, a shaken and traumatized Jack Bauer is released to his country to help out during a deadly series of attacks. He gets his groove back, of course, just before the end of the first episode. While handcuffed, he savagely kills a bad guy captor by biting down his neck! Jack’s still one mean killing machine. Well, there are new characters you’ll really hate at first but you’ll grow to love them as the story progresses, as usual. But I got bored at times, so I just fiddled with my action figures, made them strike curious poses while I watched the show. There were times I lifted weights and exercised while glued to the TV, as well as times when I really just wanted to drink beer.

But, sigh, work beckons once again. Must get some rest in a few. Tomorrow, as much as I wanna just escape and live for the moment, I gotta switch back again for a few hours and be the hardworking, no-nonsense kinda guy.

Equal Partners in a Mystery

The stabbing pain in my right shoulder’s gone, finally. I must’ve over-exercised Monday night, but the pain recurred every time I’d move my arm a certain way, and that lasted till late Wednesday. I felt some muscle stress in my legs and abdomen also last Tuesday morning. But they didn’t last as long. Anyway, I’m feeling so much better now, and I’m hoping that I’m done with that emo-boy phase for good. I’m more optimistic, now that I’m outta the funk. To the people who helped cheer me up or asked me about it, my sincere thanks.

I’m also glad that there were a few things that distracted me these past few days. Most have been good diversions, while others have been barely passable time-killers. I finally saw the season-ender of Desperate Housewives, and sadly, while there have been really good moments with some of my favorite characters these past months, I’m just not that impressed by the show anymore. I can still relate to some of them (Andrew! Bree! And, to some extent, Edie’s nephew!), which is always a good sign that something’s being done right, but it seems that the storyline outcomes have gotten much easier to predict and there hasn’t been anything to match the mysteries that made its initial season riveting. Still, it’s good to just listen to Mary Alice’s narration and how that ties up a theme every episode. As for the cliffhanger, well, too bad, I like that particular character. But knowing her final fate, admittedly, is something that I can’t wait months for.

Oh, by the way, last Saturday, Benedicky and I picked up my stuff at DK. I got a few action figures, some characters that starred in the comic book 52. The finely sculpted and painted DC Direct toys are lovely, especially Animal Man and Booster Gold, which are equally handsome and sexy figs. They’re great additions to my expanding JLA set, and the good thing is, I got ‘em at a much, much cheaper price (almost P400 less than the mall store price each!). Hey, I just noticed that Booster and Animal Man resemble each other a bit (they both have goggles/visors which connect to similarly cut headgears, are blond, and don’t wear belts). Oh, and yeah, Booster has a Skeets accessory! I didn’t expect that.

One of the recent comic books I got from the shop was issue three of Illuminati. Boy, that was disappointing. The first two issues were actually good, but to retcon the Beyonder’s history in such a way that contradicts every story that made plausible sense of the character’s existence is just a case of fixing what ain’t broke. This was really unsatisfying. The Beyonder was an interesting character, and to disregard so much of the old stories is just wrong. But I’m hoping that this confusing secret origin isn’t final.

Also read the latest Buffy issue, which has gotten really weird, art-wise. But oh my god! The story’s typically Joss Whedon. Questions were raised (What’s Ethan up to? Who’s Buffy's secret admirer?) and previous enigmas were answered (Oh my god! He’s alive! He’s Amy’s boyfriend?!). Oh, if only this came out every week. I still remember how excited I got, every time a new ep aired over a local channel every Monday night.

Whedon’s also currently writing Runaways. I liked the way Molly confronted the Punisher in the latest ish, heehee. Hmm, I wonder who those two new characters are. I'm guessing that they’re probably related to the team somehow, maybe future versions of some currently dead characters? There’s a time travel angle in this new story, so maybe that’ll eventually explain if or how they’re kindred.

Beer Guy lent me Gail Simone’s second to the last ish of Birds of Prey too. Love this series, and the Secret Six guest appearance. I have yet to see the conclusion of the arc, which resurrected a female Justice Leaguer. I think it’s available now, though. I love the fact that this all-girl team book has been an enjoyable, unique ride during Simone’s run, and after she leaves, I hope it won’t lose any of that consistently strong female characterization or the series’ fun spirit.

Ah, it’s the sixth month of the year already. Note to self: reorganize, you fool! Take a break when you need to, yeah, but get on with it. There's a list of things to do, and a calendar to mark.

A Chance to Dance Along the Light of Day

Sometimes, I just lie awake at night, just wondering about certain what-might-be’s and mapping out past decisions that landed me where I am today. I don’t dwell on things too much, nah, but I just wonder about how random people connect, and how all relationships look from an all-knowing vantage point. In The L Word, they have a whiteboard that charts the increasing sexual liaisons of a fictional lesbian community at a certain place. The social networking sites in our reality don’t have viewable, scaled models of all possible connections, but I imagine that they might look like unending layers and layers of tangled and intricate cobweb designs. That’s a lot of people who want to be happy, or rich, heard, cuddled.

I guess I’m re-assessing my life’s direction again. I dunno. They say that Scorpios are truth-seekers, and I suppose that’s quite true in my case. It’s hard when I’m bothered, when I don’t feel like facing reality and I just want to escape, though. That’s especially true yesterday morning; I kept waking up almost every hour, feeling anxious about how the day would unfold, and worried about the things I needed to deal with.

I wanted to get away from the routine and enjoy the day differently. But I was just stuck there, tossing and turning, when it looked like I wouldn’t be able to go out, partly because of the crazy weather, and partly because company wouldn’t be available. I wanted to see people, listen to music, maybe drink a little. I didn’t feel like my usual duty-bound self, not the person who’s always concerned with making his time count or leaving his mark.

Was I such a deprived, repressed kid? I think so. I think I’m trying to make up for lost time. I just want to be free a little, every now and then. But when I felt bummed out, I just stayed in my bed and tried to sleep through the hours. It didn’t make me feel better, but it rested me enough to do other things like watching episodes of 24 (the sixth season of which surprisingly feels super-dull and utterly rehashed, so far), and two DVDs of movies I’ve been meaning to see for a long time. Those distracted me enough to not think about places I’d rather be, and when that got boring, I just crashed in my bed again.

Slept for about forty minutes 9 p.m.-ish and had a semi-sex dream, details of which will not be mentioned here. I felt real hungry when I woke up; it was one of those dreams that felt like it ran the duration of several days. I’m still a little restless, but it’s a good thing, I think, that I didn’t drink alcohol at all the whole day, even when I really wanted to. I dunno how long this uneasy feeling will last.

But I hope to partake of some earthly pleasures soon. Need to think more positive, cheerful thoughts. That's probably my equivalent to praying, minus the worship. Whoa, wait, it’s Saturday already. I didn’t notice the week breeze by. I think I was still processing things from last weekend.

Heroes Past

Some film and TV fantasy heroes, caricatured five years ago for a short-lived magazine. I illustrated it to accompany an article I did.

After the Boys of Summer Have Gone

Rolling Thunder

Oh, what a week. Summer Oh Seven’s done, but it still gets so fricking hot when it’s not raining. And when it’s raining, it doesn’t stop. Ugh. My emotions were as messed up as the weather the past few days, but I managed to juggle work with play, so I’m okay. I’m able to unwind a little and tune out stuff like termites, infrared home inspection systems, and showbiz assignments when I’m not working and writing about them. And I know that I felt my self-imposed vacation was over last week, but I was able to slip back briefly into my “alcoholidays” (a word coined by Beer Guy that Benedict admittedly hates because it’s clever and he didn’t think of it). I didn’t do anything moronic while slightly inebriated at certain times this past week, I think, so everything’s good.

I finally saw the Heroes season-ender, and I just had to take down Suresh’s narration by the end of the episode, which I felt connected and summed up what I was feeling about my direction for most of the month:

“So much struggle for meaning, for purpose, but in the end, we find this only in each other: our shared experience with the fantastic, and the mundane; the simple human need to find a kindred, to connect, and to know in our hearts that we are not alone.”

Cool, cool. I think that just described my whole summer. It was strange that fellow blogger and old friend David, whose review I finally read a few hours after I watched the ep and transcribed those words, also quoted them (but we punctuated it differently). More on the episode in a bit.

No Fate But What We Make

And so, on to some endings. Spoilers ahead.

52- After one year, the comics series finally ends and has some big revelations about the post-Infinite Crisis re-setting of reality and this so-called “New Earth.” I really like how many of DC’s books have that contemporary, modern feel to them, but I’m not sure how to look at their characters’ histories because I don’t know which happened for real this time, which events were erased, which continuity gaffes were fixed, etcetera. Hypertime, Zero Hour, Crisis, Countdown… It’s confusing to really think about it as a whole.

But that said, I enjoyed this series a lot. I was touched to see Ralph and Sue Dibney reunited at last. I loved Renee and the Question’s shared journey, as well as Black Adam’s descent into madness. Yeah, the World War III spinoff series fixed other things rather rushedly, but this main title was a well-handled yearlong experiment that nicely developed characters that didn’t seem interesting before, at least to me. Good, meaty mainstream reading.

Heroes- Some like it, some loathe it, but the season finale of “Volume One” was just okay for me. Well, after much buildup, it's the prophesied catastrophe episode. Or is it? We finally get to see an expected last-minute change of heart, and some cliffhangers concerning four pivotal characters. It was a little disappointing that Mrs. Petrelli seems like she’s being groomed as an Irina Derevko-like character, in that she’s this cold and calculating old creep after all, but well, let’s hope it’s done well next season. Mr. Bennett, whom I assumed was the show’s main bad guy in the first few episodes, conversely, has proven again that he’s actually on the side of the angels. His first name is finally revealed as Noah, not so subtly implying that he may be instrumental in gathering together the superhumans in the near future.

A possible big bad is hinted at by the Caliban-like tracker kid Molly, so that might be something to look forward to in terms of new foes.

And again, Peter and Sylar meet up, and beat each other up quickly (Pete lands four punches). But that climactic battle, which involved the other supers, was really short, and could’ve looked smoother. Now that all the surviving characters have met up, though, I hope season two will bring them and the concept into new territory (previously unseen in TV, comics, or elsewhere).

Legion of Superheroes- You know, this is no Justice League Unlimited, and it’s not as gritty or focused as Batman Beyond, but it’s not a bad animated series at all. Young Clark Kent time-travels to the future and becomes a valued member of the 30somethingth century’s premier superteam. It’s fun, at least most of the eps were, and the season finale, where the team tries to stop the Sun-Eater, is especially cool. The particular sacrifice in that episode may not come as a surprise to people familiar with the pre-Crisis Legion, but it’s nonetheless effective and sad.

Torchwood- I finished this a while back. All I can say is, wow, that’s the gayest scifi show ever. No kidding. This kinda feels like a weird melding of The X-Files and Angel, so it’s periodically campy, and also treacherously dark. But the show is geared for a more mature audience, so it can get extra-kinky, sometimes. This is a spinoff of Doctor Who, which I really have to see soon (it’s a tossup between that and Battlestar Galactica, but we’ll see, maybe I can watch alternately). The openly gay Captain Jack Harkness first appeared in that series. Torchwood gets puzzling and crazy from time to time, but it’s something unique. It was quite entertaining to see the first season focus on these mysterious new super-science agent characters. I liked Ianto the bi-boy the most, and that was one moving kiss in the season finale.

A Dream That’s Barely Half Awake

I’m ending the post with lyrics once again, this time by Aimee Mann and her great ‘80s band ‘Til Tuesday. First discovered this six years ago, and it’s gotten renewed meaning and sentimental value to me since. Am loving it more than ever, as it accompanies this period in my life appropriately. Ah, I'm feeling strangely fine.

Coming Up Close

One night in Iowa, he and I in a borrowed car
Went driving in the summer, promises in every star
Out in the distance I could hear some people laughing
I felt my heart beat back a weekend’s worth of sadness

There was a farmhouse that had long since been deserted
We stopped and carved our hearts into the wooden surface
We thought just for an instant we could see the future
We thought for once we knew what really was important

Coming up close
Everything sounds like “welcome home,” come home
And oh by the way
Don’t you know that I can make a dream that’s barely half awake come true
I wanted to say
But anything I could’ve said I felt somehow that you already knew

We got back in the car and listened to a Dylan tape
We drove around the fields until it started getting late
Well I went back to my hotel room on the highway
And he just got back in his car and drove away

Coming up close
Everything sounds like “welcome home,” come home
And oh by the way
Don’t you know that I can make a dream that’s barely half awake come true
I wanted to say
But anything I could’ve said I felt somehow that you already knew

I'm Seventeen, Been Through It All

Boys do fall in love. Or something.

Lookit that. I was a barely legal college “jock.” And I had cool hair. That jacket was from my senior year in high school. It must’ve been cold and rainy back then; otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered bringing it. I didn't wear it often.

The cropped pic below, meanwhile, was taken during a family gathering, Medya Noche, if I’m not mistaken, back in the day. Ah, the era of the instamatic camera, a time when people actually put their one-hour developed, matted pics in actual plastic-sleeved albums. Found these two pictures in separate ones a few days ago. I kind of missed how light I must’ve been, and how I was able to get away with a lot of mistakes back then. But only briefly.

This second pic below (click on image to enlarge) was taken a few months after the one above, and I distinctly remember that it was one of the worst years of my life, but my personal deus ex machina came just before it ended. So I’m looking kinda relieved, albeit less innocent, in that picture. Still, things were much, much, simpler, and I kinda miss that sometimes, but again, only fleetingly. I’m stuck in the here and now--make that happily stuck in the here and now--where people who matter prefer me as I am.

I like my old hair, though. I got into new wave just a year before, and I must’ve emulated some of the bands’ hairstyles subconsciously. Also, I know I only wore that in the house, but my god, the shorts.

I was amused for hours two nights ago, just looking at a bunch of college pics, as well as those from my “lost” years, eras in my life that felt like a blur, for one reason or another. I remember voices out of those photos, familiar words that resurface and romanticize the good times. And, as I was looking back, I wonder what other people I know now must’ve been doing back then, and how their lives were unfolding, parallel to mine.

Thank You Clarity

Strange Love

Meme time! Gibbs tagged me:

“Each player of this game starts with 6 weird things about himself or herself. People who get tagged need to write a blog entry of their own as well as state the rule clearly. In the end, you need to tag 6 people as well and list their names. Don’t forget to let them know they’ve been tagged!”

6 Weird Things About Me!

1. I do phone interviews on my bed (I work on my bed!), on my tummy, and with all my notes spread all over. It’s the comfiest way for me to do it. I’m glad that I don’t have to work elsewhere and dress up when I’m doing articles and press releases. I’m barefoot and practically just in my underwear, with the electric fan aimed, full-blast, at me. It feels good to just not shirt up while working, especially during these summer months. Sorry for the mental image. Only three or four of you can appreciate that.

2. I have a rattan chair near my bed where I put some of my assorted things, and stuff I don't know where to put. It’s been that way for about two years. See the pic below. I’d play with those action figures, pose ‘em and stuff, but after a month or two, I brush off the dust and put them in my toy shelf. Maybe the weird thing is, I don’t clean it as often as I should, so it gathers dust. There are scraps of paper and plastic on that chair that need to be organized or disposed of. Although I did arrange my things yesterday and those toys are now in the shelf.

3. The three sports I excelled in were dodgeball (grade four), softball, and arnis (college). I suck at all the other sports equally. I don’t like basketball, and it was embarrassing to even recall how awful I was at it. Hey, I was young and was trying to fit in.

4. I have low Emotional Quotient, as a friend pointed out just a few months ago. I must’ve failed a marshmallow test as a kid, or something. I open up and read comic books while I walk sometimes, or look at comic book spoilers in forums. But I’ve managed to wait for the actual issues. I still get surprised. Sometimes, I have the compulsion to complete a Marvel Legends set so soon after they hit the stores.

5. I don’t feel the need to join family reunions, or other gatherings like relative’s birthdays, or weddings. I guess that’s pretty normal for me. I’m just not into it. There are some okay people there, but I’m not really raring to go and meet up with them. That’s just how I’m wired, I guess. The standard interrogation questions, those involving marriage, financial stability, and weight gain are not my idea of a good time, either.

6. Sometimes, I obsess over people and things that are unworthy of me. Of course, that statement sounds sourgrape-y, but, yep, it’s a coping mechanism. Enough said.

Tag, Pam, Max, Carl, Jason, and Cams. You’re it!

Buffy and Brandy

Went through my Buffy and Angel CDs and watched five or so random episodes last night. Checked out some really memorable parts too. I’m reading the new Buffy comic book series, the official eighth season, so it got me into looking at the series and its spinoff again. I can still sympathize with Xander in “The Zeppo,” feel Cordy’s anguish in “The Wish,” and get entertained by post-Sunnydale Andrew’s antics in the Angel ep “Damaged.” It’s rare for a TV show to have such a large roster of likeable characters, but Buffy and Angel had those you can truly love.

After some time, I finally gave in and opened the brandy bottle I was keeping and drank while watching. I just did so directly from the bottle like the stereotypical drunk. After drinking about two inches off of the contents, I began feeling drowsy, and it kind of enhanced the agitation I was feeling just hours earlier. Slightly depressed, I decided to stop, and kept the bottle. Beer Guy advised not to drink alone, as he always does, “because alcohol ain’t good that way.” Well, just say when, Beer Guy. Anyway, the brandy tasted okay, and its warmth and somewhat fizzy quality felt like superminty mouthwash, but it kinda tasted like vodka mixed with cough syrup. The alcohol content made me feel heavy in no time at all.

Boy, Interruption

Hah, I just discovered my old student’s log book from way back. I was 14 and in my sophomore high school year. Holy jeez, I was a young overachiever! It’s strange, I’d forgotten about most of the contests I joined, but I folded pages and wrote down on those dates that I won in:

July 22- St. Benedict Poster/Slogan-making contest (2^nd Place): I came up with “Ours to Fulfill is His worthy mission, for Glorification, Redemption and Salvation.” I think I won a “Footprints in the Sand” plaque, or something.

August 31- Career week: Nation Rebuilding Poster/Slogan-making contest (rank not written): “If you strive to be the best, anything’s possible. A nation will rise anew.” Wow, I don’t remember what this is at all. I must’ve drawn buildings and a sunset, haha.

November 9- Drug Abuse Prevention Poster/Slogan-making contest, Muntinlupa (1^st Place): Of course, my winning entry had a young guy who was active in school and sports. It was colorful! Heehee. I remember then-Mayor Ignacio Bunye handing me my prizes, which were, if I remember correctly, P300 and a gold medal. I so wanted to give part of the money to my adviser but she politely refused, and was probably amused by my awkward expression of generosity.

November 25- “My Country” (special award, or something): I remember that this got me a nicely sculptured wire trophy, which was shaped like the line doodle of a dove. My oslo-sized drawing was exhibited at an art gallery in Paranaque whose name escapes me. Of course, the drawing had comics-inspired sensibilities, and had the usual patriotic elements collaged together--People Power I, the farmer on his kalabaw, a dove with an olive branch, the Rizal monument—all bursting forth from the Philippine flag’s rays. Naturally, the blue and red parts are in the background. Gawd.

January 31- “The Role of the BAS (Benedictine Abbey School) Family in the Peace and Progress of Our Nation” poster-making contest (rank not written): I don’t remember what this is, but I think this contest was held during the Santo Nino festivities.

February 12- “Kapatiran at Pagkakaisa: Kalayaan ang Muling Pagbangon ng Ating Bansa” poster-making contest. (1^st place): Oh my god, this was held at La Salle Greenhills. I wonder where Benedict was during that time? Heheh. I think, as soon as I got home, I sheepishly told my mom, “First place.” And I remember reading a bunch of Marvel comics at the supermarket soon after.

March 24- Recognition Day (Gold Medal, overall art award for the schoolyear): After the ceremony, my parents brought me to the nearby McDonald’s outlet. Yeah, I know, but it was new then and it hasn’t sprouted into hundreds of branches yet.

The next year, I just won one award for an interschool art competition held at La Salle Alabang, and the year after that I think I won in about five school contests. I didn’t have any awards or anything in college, as I was too busy experiencing life as a horny boy.

Halos puro jugjugan lang ang nasa isip.